Fernweh

I should have been a teenager,
Like you are.
Does anybody know you're not one?

I could've been thirteen.
I could've been thirteen,
But I am thirty-three.
I'm under this permanent delusion
That having darker hair
A couple more teeth,
Being thirteen kilos heavier
Seventeen centimetres taller
Still means that I have not aged
One single day since I've gone away.

You could've been thousands.
You could've been thousands
But you're only so young now.

I missed you more than anybody, ever,
But still not as much as I missed myself.

You don't look like a teenager,
But I do.
Does anybody know i'm not one?

You could've been so much,
You could've been so much,
But you're only as young.
Not many would dig deeper and see
That the upbeat one
Is not like the others
And hides so much pain in tow
An outer layer of simplicity
A dark core not so deep below
Every day a miracle since going away.

I could've made thousands,
I could have made thousands
But I only need this much now.

I missed you more than anything, ever,
But still not as much as I missed myself.

July 19th and 31st, August 02nd, 04th and 05th, 2016

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