The traditional end-of-year-survey, year 11

! This post was written long ago. What you're reading is not necessarily how I feel about things in 2017. This blog was started by an 18-year-old in 2001. Please, keep that in mind before you freak out.

Another year has gone by, another traditional survey comes up. When someone posted it on their then-popular LiveJournal in December 2002, a couple of friends and I did it just for fun. Who'd think this would span an entire decade? Moreover, who'd think it would survive the famed end of the world ten days ago? Hehe.

I went through 2012 all buttoned up, too careful, with a bitter facial expression and without a single illusion. There is nothing to like about that, nor anything to correct. Just a year not to repeat.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
I cooked. A lot. I started psychotherapy that helped me get rid of problems caused by the way I was brought up and treated. I learnt that it was not always and that it is not always my fault. I won a contest on television and got to meet a '90s band that I loved a lot as a child/teenager. I made some serious plans for next year. In short - I reclaimed my own life, if it was ever mine before, at all.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I wanted to redeem myself for the way I behaved in late 2008 and early 2009. I believe I overpaid that. And while that would've been a strange resolution to many, it totally made no sense to me. I no longer feel guilty about things that were haunting me for nearly 4 years now. The ball is no longer in my yard.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, the neighbour had her second child in March. A baby boy!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My dad's best friend died in December. Two trees I loved a lot were cut down - Angelina the poplar and Sebastian the maple.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. This is becoming a problem that needs to be solved in 2013.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
See above. And there are things I'm always lacking, but it's nothing material.

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There's been many.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Stopping to feel obsessively guilty for every single thing that ever happened between myself and almost every other person, ever.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to clearly state what I want sometimes, though I knew it all along.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Generalised anxiety, major depression, strong allergies, strabismus, hormonal disbalance, diarrheas every other day, fatigue. Health-wise, 2012 was not good.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
It's similar to my 2011 answer to this.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
That stuff can be a novel.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
That stuff can be a novel.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, concerts, bills, the car.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I'm not good at getting excited. And I just lied. I'm not good with lies, either.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Instead of picking one of the obvious answers, I'll go for Hoops by ruby.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier.
b) Fatter or skinnier? Skinnier.
c) Richer or poorer? Same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Working. Health issues prevented that.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas?
It's been a horror for the past two years, with my aunt and drunk/psychotic first cousin...but this time we're not going, so yay!

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Maybe once. Maybe twice. Maybe three times, one of which is something I appear to be unable to shake off and have to continue living with it. Maybe none at all. Maybe that stuff doesn't exist.

22. How many one night stands?

23. What was your favourite TV program?
I'm not big on TV. I liked House and now there's no more House, so...dunno.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Why hate? Some people are irritating, but why hate?

25. What was the best book you read?
I got obsessed with a series of books I've been avoiding to read for years - the Balkans trilogy, I think that's how it's commonly called in English. But I read a lot.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery of the year?
I discover a lot, every year.

27. What did you want and get?
I wanted to finally be OK, now that I had realised I had not been OK for about a decade and that it's not a part of my nature, just a problem that can be solved. And I'm slowly starting to be OK, so...yes, that's enough for me when it comes to 2012.

28. What did you want and not get?
A single human gesture from someone specific that is not forced out or thought of as obligatory, followed by normal human approach to another human when necessary. Wow, I finally said what I want.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
I have seen three films in cinema: Dark Shadows, Men In Black III and Madagascar 3. The last was the best. Dark Shadows was a waste of money and time.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
29 and I did nothing, really.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
See 28. That would've done it; though it wouldn't magically solve any of my problems. It would just bring me back some faith in this world.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
What fits.

33. What kept you sane?
Psychotherapy and the resurfacing common sense.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
That stuff makes me sick.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
All those folks who were found not guilty in November. There's got to be villains on both sides of a conflict. Come on. Stupid lobbies.

36. Who do you miss?
I should be missing the friend I went ape with in January. But I am not sorry. At least not yet. Moreover, I feel like she has chosen her new friends as the better option, as she appears to be close to them still. And they were toxic to me, they pretty much resulted in 2011 ending the way it has ended.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Answering to this one is useless, everybody can eventually let you down.

38. What was the best thing you ate?
I have developed an obsession with risotto alla milanese.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?
It might not be your fault at all.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.