Clockwork Flower in all its glory

! This post was written long ago. What you're reading is not necessarily how I feel about things in 2017. This blog was started by an 18-year-old in 2001. Please, keep that in mind before you freak out.

I overuse the phrase "clockwork flower" in Wrong Star p..ms. I thought I'd explain where it comes from.

A little more than three years ago, on st. George's day 2007 (which would be the 06th of May here), I had a row with a guy who was driving me insane. Let's say that he was pretending to be interested in at least five girls, and then it turned out he's in a long distance relationship. I was incredibly angry that such a heartless flirt has been playing around with my sincere feelings for more than two months and I had my own share of kicking the computer's tower, breaking a couple of random items and so on.

On the same day, someone I value a lot, did something I was very confused with...it looked like a very physical manifestation of discomfort, having had enough of something and it was pretty aggressive. The discomfort was so obvious that it made me shiver. The first thing that came to my mind is a line from a cheesy 1995 song that reads "this is the shape of the things to come". And it was.

One of my closest friends suggested that I take a break and come over to her place in a semi-urban suburb, to unwind, talk and walk around. That suburb is magical in the springtime, literally. And there are more beautiful flowers than anywhere else in Beograd, including the botanical garden. Novi Železnik - truly an awesome place.

Once I got there, I saw an incredible amount of beautiful roses. Then, in front of a tall building, I saw some orange roses. One of them caught my eye. It did not look like a rose at all, it looked like an explosion waiting to happen. Despite its beauty, there was something scary about it. I called my friend over as she already headed around the corner and I said: "Look, here's the clockwork flower in all its glory!" She agreed that it looked so beautiful, yet so evil. I took two photos of it, and I published one to Flickr. It got into Explore, even though I did not advertise it much.

Clockwork Flower

Soon after, I wrote a p..m where I am substituting myself for a clockwork flower. As of this year, upon seeing a website titled "Nuclear flower" by a very nice man from Australia, I decided to implement the symbol of the clockwork flower in my new p..ms.

I don't know if it's normal to have tears in my eyes each time I remember that flower. I don't know if it's normal to wish it could appear in the exact same place in the exact same shape again. I don't know why this reminds me of a Russian story about a woman who came to Serbia to search for the nurse who was taking care of her soilder brother for the last couple of weeks of his life, but it does. And I'm crying. Despite having a couple of exciting months ahead of me, despite the first sunny day in ten days, I'm crying.

I miss my clockwork flower.

One Reaction to Clockwork Flower in all its glory

  1. Ms. Heather aka scribblequeen says...

    Stunning! Very beautiful.

    Twin flowers,
    Born from one,
    Good soul,
    Bad soul,
    Both wrapped in beauty's embrace.
    Where have you gone, my precious?

     
     

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