Top 10 Anti-Valentine’s Day songs

! This post was written long ago. What you're reading is not necessarily how I feel about things in 2017. This blog was started by an 18-year-old in 2001. Please, keep that in mind before you freak out.

I wish I knew how to play the guitar my dad bought back in the days (to be more appealing to girls) and gave to me long country/western style, with a straw hat, tight jeans and long boots (I do not own the last item); because I already have an angry Texan song... "Die, you evil holiday, die, die, die..." Of course, we can say that I'm singing it in German and that what I really mean is: "THAT evi...l holiday, that, that, that"...which, once again, does not change the point, does it?

I like love - the feeling of liking people and growing up through that - not the stupid physical stuff, I could spend my whole life without that. But I fail at it more or less...or, we can say that I'm paying at the beam because I did not pay at the bridge. Wait a second, I like those lines, I might include them in one of my future writings. I think this quote I stumbled upon the other day is something I agree with:

Love is always bestowed as a gift―freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.
- Leo F. Buscaglia

One of the things a person should dislike the 14th of February for, is of course, the stinky commercial feeling of pink champagne, pink crotchless and bow-over-the-nipple underwear, billions of innocent flowers killed and flowering branches cut in order for some jerk or jerkette to get some, balloons they give you everywhere you go. But it's not just that.

The other day, one of my readers and a workmate said that she prefers the women's day (the 08th of March) to St. Valentine's day because it's not discriminative to those who aren't in love and those who simply don't have anyone. That's the kind of a holiday I approve and I think it's wrong to tie it to the communist ideology. The bad thing is that it's too close to my birthday, so I can't get sweets twice. So, gooooo 08.03, dieeeeeeeeeeeee 14.02. DIE. DIE. DIE.

Therefore, I prepared a top-10 anti-Valentine songs/videos' list.

10. The Cardigans - "Your New Cuckoo"

The First Band On The Moon will always remind me of the 1997 school excursion, when we went to Montenegro and saw all four seasons in a single day, passing the mountains. This song was not my favourite back then, and it isn't my favourite on the album now either (I like "Never Recover"); but the whole concept of having somebody by your side time after time again and thinking it's for ever and ever is why this song made it to my list.

9. SR-71 - "Right Now"

Aaah, early noughties, a great period of time, if you don't count in the two awful wars.

8. Bloodhound Gang - "Three Point One Four"

This song is commonly miss-labelled "Vagina", but its name really is Pi. Before someone thinks I hate my own gender that much, no I don''s just that this song is terribly funny, with lyrics such as I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner, so I don't have to take her skinny ass to a fancy dinner and so what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd . Jimmy Pop is a great humourist, like him or not.

7. The Beautiful South - "Song for Whoever"

The most ironic fake love song ever. Paul Heaton could as well be my favourite lyricist in the world, though he's not my overall favourite musician. The irony his songs display, the complicated topics they deal with, the point of view where none of the genders is the weaker or the more superior one - I love it. This particular song deals with people going into relationships solely so they could be inspired to write sad love songs, which would be then used to seduce the next person. The actual music video cannot be embedded, so click here to view it as it's one of the funniest things you'll ever watch, honestly. I hope you don't feel sorry for anthromorphic food that ends up eaten.

6. Jim Carey - Somebody To Love

While the Jefferson Aeroplane original is a very likeable and truthful song, Jim's take on it from that strange Cable Guy movie is the exact opposite. It mocks about everything a love song should be and the "vibrato" and "falsetto" are epic.

5. Riblja čorba - Avionu, slomiću ti krila

My neighbour...OK, the man who lives close enough to hit some of the same grocery stores that I do (and it's not like anyone lets him pass because he's famous) is a controversial oldschool rockstar. His wife died recently, he's getting married to someone else (which they actually asked him about and he confirmed it...not that I normally care about these things) and back in the 80s, he wrote a bunch of "love sucks" type of songs. These were mostly popular with 5-7 year olds...not sure if that's what he expected, though. One of his songs simply has to end up on this list. Its title reads "Airplane, I will break your wings" and there's a pretty good translation on YouTube, make sure you go and watch the video there, rather than here.

4. Marque - Electronic Lady

Austrian singer Marque is more famous for the song One To Make Her Happy which is silly compared to this gem. A great electropop song with a very trippy video. I assume that I have my own way of understanding it, as I assume the female he sings about is wrongly perceived as something robotic, something not-human...and I often feel that's what some people perceive me, therefore, this is my song.

3. Rammstein - Liebe ist Für Alle da

I'm seeing these guys next month...with my 68 year old mother because she thinks Till has a great body and a very masculine voice and she's been thinking so ever since we heard Engel in 1997. Anyway, I am surprised when people take this band's "controversy" seriously. While I think the Pussy video was too much, the rest of their "controversies" makes me laugh. I laughed at this song so hard the first time I heard it. Love is here for all, but not for me? Brilliant!

2. Shivaree - "John 2/14"

From what I understand in its lyrics (the title kinda gives it away too, the date is there), this is a good way, not in the modern crappy way popular on teh interwebz. Everything sounds cute and in the video, you'll just see it turn to pure horror. A Valentine's day in hell, I assume. Bravo!

1. Valentina Hasan - "Ken Lii"

The megapopular 2008 song about something and uh...something else tops any list of things anti-Valentine. My salutes go to the neighbouring country of Bulgaria! Ken lii...tulibo dibo douchoo.

Screw Valentine's day! Much love to everyone, on all 365/366 days of the year.

5 Reactions to Top 10 Anti-Valentine’s Day songs

  1. Vanja Andrejić says...

    Svaka čast za listu XD

  2. Iva Tanacković says...

    Hvala. Trudim se. Ko veli, da ne budu tamo samo moje pesme i žvrljotine, već jednom i nešto što će se svideti širim narodnim masama.

    Jedino što volim u vezi sa ovim danom je kad mi u Meku daju besplatni magnet u obliku srca sa Big Macom na slici. Kad sam gladna, uvek mogu da ližem taj magnet.

  3. Vanja Andrejić says...

    To nisam znala :-O
    Mada ja ne volim Big Mac... Šteta sto nema sa duplim čizom... XD

  4. Iva Tanacković says...

    Ma, to je bilo 2007.

  5. Calítoe.:. says...

    Today is also the Chinese New Year. 🙂

    Congrats to the winning song. xD


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