Jedina crvena jabuka / The Only Red Apple

! This post was written long ago. What you're reading is not necessarily how I feel about things in 2016. This blog was started by an 18-year-old in 2001. Please, keep that in mind before you freak out.

PMDD is getting the best of me these days, causing swellings, enormous eating binges, temporary depression and rants out of control. There are a couple of people whom I avoid because they could cause me a total...I shall not use that word in this entry, it would be offensive. So, that's why I have not posted in a while. I am starting to realise that I will need to break my modesty-caused fear of doctors and actually seek for help as this is one wicked illness and it ruins down 1/3 of each month for me.

This one was meant to be posted around the end of April, then I realised that I don't want to do so as I am not after publicity, I'm after feelings and truth. Since there's no truth and there'll never be truth, I'm settling for feelings based on things I felt and I still fell, things that I saw happen on a member of my own family (and we're reasonably away from the place-that-shall-not-be-mentioned because you should guess). Having spent about a month reading about the things, that would otherwise only be at one of the last pages of most school history books and perhaps some physics books, on a bigger scale, I am more than shocked.

The first line was modified from a song popular here in ex-Yugoslavia, the all-caps word isn't all-caps in the original song, duh. It's all-caps for a very good reason. And hey, the event in question did happen while ex-Yugoslavia still existed and was an utopia (that, however, next to the whole continent, could not escape the unscapable in this case). All the biblical references are intentional, as they often are in my writings, despite the fact that I'm an atheist.

Jedina crvena jabuka

Ne daj se, INES.
Ako zagrizeš jabuku, biće jarkocrvena.
Na svetu nikad ne beše crvene jabuke.

Ne okreći se, molim te, strašno je.
Više nema nikoga da obere voćke,
senke cepaju tišinu i čujem jauke.

Neko se udavio u praznom bazenu,
neke vatre nikad neće biti ugašene.
Neko je pao sa zaribalog točka,
hoće li molitve ikad biti usklišene?

Još godinama ćemo grickati pelen,
zar ne vidite koliko je gorak?
I odatkle su se pojavila sva ta
deca od plastelina?

Pitajte predvodnika zašto mu je nos crven,
pitajte ga šta je jutros jeo
i da li je to smeo
i odakle je stigla ta mučnina?

Sahranili smo ubicu.
Spakovali smo ga u olovnu grobnicu,
no on će nas sve nadživeti.

Slobodno se okreći, no iza tebe je,
ulepšao je sve one usamljene voćke,
i već planira sve buduće jauke.

Nekoga je progutala ribetina ispod mosta,
neke lutke nikad neće biti očešljane,
neko je izdahnuo na drugom kraju kontinenta,
mnoge duše ni ne znaju da su otpisane.

Još godinama ćemo grickati pelen,
zar ne vidite koliko je gorak?
I odakle su se pojavile sve te
žene koju deluju asimetrično?

Zapitajte se šta biva ako ti se ne pohomeri,
jedemo onu crvenu jabuku
koja nije smela da odbegne.

____________________________________________

The Only Red Apple

Don't give in, INES.
If you bite the apple, it will be bright red
And there's never been a red apple in the world.

Don't turn around, please, it's terrifying,
And there's no one to harvest the fruits,
shadows tear the silence and I hear weeping.

Someone's drowned in an empty pool
Some fires will never be put out
Someone's fallen out of a rusted wheel
All these prayers, will they be fullfilled?

We'll be nibbling on wormwood for years to come,
can't you see how bitter it really is?
And where did all those
playdoh-made children come from?

Ask the leader why is his nose red,
ask him what he's eaten this morning
and if he was allowed to
and why he's feeling nauseous?

We burried the killer.
We packed him in a lead tomb,
but he will outlive each and every one of us.

Turn around freely, it's behind you, anyway
It has beautified all those lonely fruits
And it already has future screams all planned.

Someone's swallowed by a fish under the bridge,
some dolls will always have their hair unkempt,
someone's died at the other end of the continent,
some souls don't even know they were written off.

We'll be nibbling on wormwood for years to come,
can't you see how bitter it really is?
And where did all those
assymetric women come from?

Ask yourself what happens if you don't pull a homer,
We're eating that red apple
that was not meant to run away.

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